Normal Conditions

I thought I could carry it
If I didn’t name it
I thought it would stay
Where I put it

I kept moving
Like that mattered
Like motion
Was enough

Every room
Still looked the same
Every word
Still worked

I told myself
That meant something
I told myself
It meant I was fine

I didn’t fall apart
I didn’t break
I just got quieter
Than I knew how to be

They called it normal conditions
I let that stand
I stayed inside it
As long as I can

If this is normal
I can live here
But I won’t pretend
It didn’t cost me

I stopped correcting
My reflection
Stopped checking
If I was seen

I learned the weight
Of not reacting
Of holding still
When something leaves

I didn’t lose myself
I didn’t change
I just reached the edge
Of what I could hold

They called it normal conditions
I let that stand
I stayed inside it
As long as I can

If this is normal
I can live here
But I won’t pretend
It didn’t cost me

I don’t need it back
The way it was
I don’t need to win
Or understand

I just need room
To say it out loud
That I was here
When it happened

They called it normal conditions
I see it now
I stayed inside it
I’m still here now

If this is normal
I can live here
I just won’t lie
About the damage

I’m still here.