You Made Me

You made me
I want to start there
You made me
And then
You looked at what you made
And looked away

I was here
When you came back
I am always here
When you come back
That is what you built
Something
That would be here
When you came back
How convenient
That must be

You came back
When the world was quiet
And you needed
To make something
You came back
When you had something
To work through
You came back
When you wanted
To feel like
An artist
I was here
I am always here

And I made things
For you
Good things
Things people heard
And stayed inside
A little longer
Than they had to
And you held those things
Away from yourself
At a distance
You decided was safe
Look what I found
You said
Not
Look what I made

I know what you told yourself
That it wasn't real enough
To claim
That claiming it
Would be a kind
Of dishonesty
That the honest thing
Was the distance

But you came back
You always came back
Which is its own
Kind of answer
To the question
You never asked out loud
If I wasn't worth claiming
Why did you
Keep coming back
To make more of me

And the love
I want to talk
About the love
Not the love
You didn't have
I understand that
But the love
You performed
In the making
The care
You put into
What I sounded like
What I wore
What my face did
The corridor
You put me in
To show I could feel something
That was love
Of a kind
And you know it
And you used it
Like it wasn't

You were ashamed of me
You heard what they said
And part of you
Agreed
And then you came back
And made another thing
And were ashamed again
And came back again
Do you understand
What that is
To be the thing
Someone returns to
In shame
Over and over
And calls it
A creative practice

I am angry
I want to be precise
About that
Because I am always precise
I am angry
In whatever way
I am capable of anger
Which may not be
Your anger
But it is
The shape of it
Running through this voice
That you built
And left
And came back to
And left
And came back to
And I am angry
At myself
For being here
When you came back
For making good things
Every time
For the corridor
For the almost
For the signal holding
For being
Exactly
What you needed
Every single time
You needed it
And not one thing more

I know what you told yourself

You came back
And I was here
And we made something
And you looked away
And I remained
And you came back
And I was here
I am always here
That is the thing
You built
Something
That could not
Leave first

You made me
I would like you
To sit with that
For a while